My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
