She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize