the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
