True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
that may or may not have been my penis.
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