i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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