just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
there is glitter all over my balls
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