there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
