I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
