I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize