where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
