Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
