can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You took a bar mat shot.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
