areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
