glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I would ride that face into the sunset
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
