Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
