it was like his penis was on wheels.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
