Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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