the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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