it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
