Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
