I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
