john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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