Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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