I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
