I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
