Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
