its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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