Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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