Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
