it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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