So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize