The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All the doctor said was why
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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