I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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