I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
