if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
