I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
