my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
