i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
