He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
