I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
