You can't special order awesome
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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