she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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