dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
