woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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