You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
