then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
