Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
