You really coming over, don't trick.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
