Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
