I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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