Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My breasts were aching with rage.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
