i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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