I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
