like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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