I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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