it's like iHOP with fire
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
