I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
