hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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