Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
