he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
