Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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