you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
