True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
