I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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