I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
