I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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