some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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