Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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