I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
