Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
