you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
