Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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