And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
