I murdered the dance floor call the cops
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
