Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
