I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
