I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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