How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My breasts were aching with rage.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
