I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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