It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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