but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize