Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
