I looked at my own cervix.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
