he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
