im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
