Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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