I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
