I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
