Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize