We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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