I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
