I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dick very happy bro
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize