I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize