She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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