Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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