My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
