got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
