it hurts more in the daytime
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
