remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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