didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
