Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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