so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just want to make out with him forever
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
