Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
