I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
